The Balcony

Almost a decade ago, I travelled to Delhi, staying with a friend in one of those posh colonies of Delhi, where roads are wide and clean, where houses scream deco, trees are green, it makes you forget about the air quality and life seems nicely put together in a blanket of peace. 

We must have been on 3rd or 4th floor. Our space had a small balcony overlooking the colony’s main lane. As the hours passed by and the sun came down, my eyes fell on this warm space, it was a small balcony-like space in a house diagonally opposite ours. Partially covered, decorated well with a lot of plants by the railing, and warmly lit. Seemed to be connected with the living room with a sliding glass door that gave a slight peek into the room and people walking in and out of there, holding glasses and snacks. The living room was lit with warm lights too, slightly dimmer than the balcony from what appeared to me from a distance.

The space was so small, yet cozy but what caught my attention and stuck in my memory for all these years after was the chatter I could hear, a bunch of friends hanging with each other in a comfortable space, some may have come from work, someone must be hosting this wonderful evening for all to come together, maybe they do this often, maybe they are all together after a long time and a bunch of cancelled plans. No matter what the reality was, what I saw was wholesome. A safe space and some friends with their guards down, ending a day with a chosen company away from the chaos. Unwinding and sharing and laughing and drinking and eating. They all looked so present, in the moment.

It’s not something crazy you may wonder, no it is not, I agree, it is just so normal, that’s exactly what people do, that’s exactly how a room full of friends is.

But I was just 20 then. I had never owned a space all by my own, I hadn’t found those friendships yet and looking at it made me crave all of it, I couldnt wait to be a part of a room like that. I was still in my final year of graduation, what was next in the line for me I had no idea, will I have a decent job? Will I have a career that I’ll be proud of?, will I find such friendships that are deep and stable? Will I ever have a space all by myself, and most importantly will I ever be able to host an evening like this?

All these questions and thoughts held onto me and never left. I kept thinking about that balcony for years and years. I had been on my own journey to reach this point that just in an unsaid way became my life goal, all that I aspired to be and have. I have never been a person with dreams of owning the biggest car, or getting the highest paying job, I have been aware that my goals have been relatively different and I take all the pride in this.

I have gone from one job to the other, changed homes, with people and alone, moved cities, relied on not so great friendships, learned my lessons and finally found the real meaningful bunch of people I hold so close to my heart. And after more than 8 years of perpetually dreaming about that room full of warmth and laughter I finally get to build one for myself. The safe space, for me and my friends. A space I never feel like leaving, a space where I get to host my friends and call them over no matter what time of the day. Where we fill the room with great conversations, opinions, feelings, confusions, decisions, vulnerability, laughter, tears, food, and ofcourse the warm lights, they have been a constant ever since. 

I look back and wonder, are those guys who unknowingly made me see this dream still light up that balcony the same way? Slightly older than before, in different stages of their lives, I guess I’ll never know but I could I would let them know how grateful I am to have seen them the other night, who just by being themselves made me see this possibility for myself, that it meant a lot for that 20 year old girl who is now 28 and still cant take this memory out of her head.